The Second Banjo Page

(Yes, that's two whole pages. Who said banjo players can't count?)

Banjo jokes seems to be about either the instrument itself (it's tonal quality, its popularity etc.)
or the intellectual prowess of the banjo players themselves. Also they seem to fall into categories:

Category 1. What is the difference between a banjo and .........

Let's get this straight - this is not a banjo, alright?

a chain saw. the chain saw has a wider tonal range

a South American macaw: One is loud, grating on the ears and obnoxious.
The other is a bird.

a trampoline: you take your shoes off before you jump up and down on a trampoline.

an onion: You can't help crying when you chop up an onion.

a Formula 1 racing car the car performs better if you tune it.

Category 2. What .........

is "perfect pitch"? the ability to throw a banjo down the toilet without hitting the seat

is the best thing to play on a banjo? a flame thrower

should you do if you run over a banjo? reverse.

do you get if you cross a chicken and a banjo? 1 A chicken that can pluck itself
2 A chicken that is finger pickin' good.

is the difference between a squashed hedgehog on the road and a squashed banjo on the road?
there are skid marks in front of the hedgehog.

is the difference between banjo tunes? their names

Category 3 (Yes, 3!!!). Why.........

is an accordion superior to a banjo? It burns longer.

The renowned musicologist Mr Derek Style, yesterday.

do they bury banjo players 20 feet under? Because they are all decent people, deep down.

is the banjo player the accordionists best friend? Because without him he would be the most hated man on earth.

Category 4 (4!! Incredible). Anecdotes:

  1. A woman phones a country and western band on Monday and asks will the banjo player be with them at their gig at the weekend.
    The man says "I'm so sorry, no, he won't, he has had an accident. He is dead."
    She phones on Tuesday and Wednesday with the same question and is told the same thing.
    On Thursday when she asks, the man says "Look, why do I keep on having to tell you the same thing over and over again?"
    And she says, dreamily " I just love to hear those words."
  2. A drinker says to the barman "Do you want to hear the latest banjo joke?"
    The barman says "I'm a black belt judo dan and I play the banjo.
    That guy over there is 20 stone and a bouncer. He plays the banjo.
    That other guy over there is wanted by the police for grievous bodily harm, and he plays the banjo.
    Are you quite SURE you want to tell a banjo joke in here?"
    The customer says" Well no, not if I've got to explain it 3 times."
  3. A man goes into a shop and asks for a new set of strings. The shop owner says "You're a banjo player, aren't you?"
    The man says "Yes, how did you know?"
    And the shop owner says "Well, this is a fish and chip shop".

And finally, a competition:

Have you noticed the similarity between banjo player jokes and Irish jokes? Here is a hoary old Irish joke in a new disguise.: fill in the blanks
(the prize for the best answer is an exclusive sneak preview to The Banjo Page 3!)

How do you confuse a banjo player?

show him a .................

and a ......................

and tell him to take his pick.

And to end on a gloomy note, yes, there really will be a Banjo Page 3!

Best wishes, Derek.